34 Howls: [Accidental video]

[coyote_walking]

Mercy's clearly inanimate body was laid out on Thomas' bed where it had been since he'd brought it there Monday night. He'd cleaned it up and placed it in a place she'd recognize when she woke up.

If she woke up.

The camera was focused on the body for nearly a minute before there was a sudden startling gasp for breath and Mercy sat bolt upright with a cry, scrabbling backwards on the bed and grasping at her chest where she'd been shot.

"THOMAS!"

Comments

Re: Private

[alittlewild.livejournal.com]

Why? Doesn't it scare you?

Re: Private

[coyote-walking.livejournal.com]

Yeah, but I want it.

To belong.

To be loved so much.

I want it.

Re: Private

[alittlewild.livejournal.com]

It... can be nice.

Re: Private

[coyote-walking.livejournal.com]

Yeah?

Re: Private

[alittlewild.livejournal.com]

I only knew Richard a few days, but our other sides just...I don't know. They clicked with each other. I think that side decided for us that we would be together. I was so happy with him, I was willing to give up Mutant X and leave it all behind for a normal life. A life with someone who knew what I felt and who knew me. It was nice.

Re: Private

[coyote-walking.livejournal.com]

It sounds really wonderful.

Re: Private

[alittlewild.livejournal.com]

It...was. I never thought I'd want something like that but with him I did. And I let myself believe I could have it. As he was dying he told me not to cry because he was dying a happy man, he'd found someone who accepted him and he was in love.

Re: Private

[coyote-walking.livejournal.com]

Oh Shal...

I'm so sorry.

But I'm happy you had it.

Re: Private

[alittlewild.livejournal.com]

It's fine, it was a few years ago. A lot of time to get over it, it's not like he would have lived much longer anyway if he'd stayed a New Mutant.

I hope if you get something like that you can keep it.

Re: Private

[coyote-walking.livejournal.com]

Thanks. Me too.

Not that I don't love Thomas. Just... I'm always aware that if it gets to that all-encompassing really true love part? We'll never be able to touch again.

Re: Private

[alittlewild.livejournal.com]

At least you have love with him, that's happiness there.

Re: Private

[coyote-walking.livejournal.com]

It is. And I am very happy.

Re: Private

[alittlewild.livejournal.com]

That's good. I'm not sure if I ever want happiness like that.

Re: Private

[coyote-walking.livejournal.com]

Well, I hope you find whatever type of happiness you do want.

Re: Private

[alittlewild.livejournal.com]

If I do I'll probably just run from it.

Re: Private

[coyote-walking.livejournal.com]

Yeah, we need to work on that with you.

Re: Private

[alittlewild.livejournal.com]

My desire to not be hurt out weighs my desire to be happy.

Re: Private

[coyote-walking.livejournal.com]

Yeah. I understand that.

Re: Private

[alittlewild.livejournal.com]

I talked with James about how I felt.

Re: Private

[coyote-walking.livejournal.com]

And?

Re: Private

[alittlewild.livejournal.com]

I have learned that I should never speak about my feelings again. It went pretty badly.

Re: Private

[coyote-walking.livejournal.com]

Oh no. I'm sorry.

Re: Private

[alittlewild.livejournal.com]

Not badly in the way you're probably thinking. I just kept messing things up and having to try to explain what I really meant. Then he'd get angry because I kept saying I didn't want to feel this way.

...I think he really cares about me.

Re: Private

[coyote-walking.livejournal.com]

So... you had trouble expressing yourself, but it actually went well?

Re: Private

[alittlewild.livejournal.com]

Yes. We argued a lot but...I guess it went well. He wasn't freaked out...he seemed happy.