34 Howls: [Accidental video]

[coyote_walking]

Mercy's clearly inanimate body was laid out on Thomas' bed where it had been since he'd brought it there Monday night. He'd cleaned it up and placed it in a place she'd recognize when she woke up.

If she woke up.

The camera was focused on the body for nearly a minute before there was a sudden startling gasp for breath and Mercy sat bolt upright with a cry, scrabbling backwards on the bed and grasping at her chest where she'd been shot.

"THOMAS!"

Comments

Re: Private

[alittlewild.livejournal.com]

That's good. I'm not sure if I ever want happiness like that.

Re: Private

[coyote-walking.livejournal.com]

Well, I hope you find whatever type of happiness you do want.

Re: Private

[alittlewild.livejournal.com]

If I do I'll probably just run from it.

Re: Private

[coyote-walking.livejournal.com]

Yeah, we need to work on that with you.

Re: Private

[alittlewild.livejournal.com]

My desire to not be hurt out weighs my desire to be happy.

Re: Private

[coyote-walking.livejournal.com]

Yeah. I understand that.

Re: Private

[alittlewild.livejournal.com]

I talked with James about how I felt.

Re: Private

[coyote-walking.livejournal.com]

And?

Re: Private

[alittlewild.livejournal.com]

I have learned that I should never speak about my feelings again. It went pretty badly.

Re: Private

[coyote-walking.livejournal.com]

Oh no. I'm sorry.

Re: Private

[alittlewild.livejournal.com]

Not badly in the way you're probably thinking. I just kept messing things up and having to try to explain what I really meant. Then he'd get angry because I kept saying I didn't want to feel this way.

...I think he really cares about me.

Re: Private

[coyote-walking.livejournal.com]

So... you had trouble expressing yourself, but it actually went well?

Re: Private

[alittlewild.livejournal.com]

Yes. We argued a lot but...I guess it went well. He wasn't freaked out...he seemed happy.

Re: Private

[coyote-walking.livejournal.com]

Then I'm really glad for you.

Re: Private

[alittlewild.livejournal.com]

I don't know what I am. At least he's just as freaked out by his own feelings as I am.

Re: Private

[coyote-walking.livejournal.com]

That's something at least.

Re: Private

[alittlewild.livejournal.com]

Who knows maybe one day I'll work up to getting what he actually see's in having a relationship with me.

Re: Private

[coyote-walking.livejournal.com]

Maybe one day you'll be able to see what so many of us see.

Re: Private

[alittlewild.livejournal.com]

I don't think that I'm a bad person to have as a friend. I'm just not meant for relationships with men.

Re: Private

[coyote-walking.livejournal.com]

Just a more intense form of friendship.

Re: Private

[alittlewild.livejournal.com]

That's what I thought, that's what I wanted. But somehow I end up feeling more exposed with him than with other friends. That doesn't even make sense.

Re: Private

[coyote-walking.livejournal.com]

Funny how that happens and suddenly you're there all exposed and vulnerable and scared.

Re: Private

[alittlewild.livejournal.com]

I work hard to keep my walls up. Emma always thought it was stupid of me and that it just caused me more pain in the long run. Brennan and Jess got in all the way, but not because I wanted them to.

Re: Private

[coyote-walking.livejournal.com]

I never wanted to fall for Thomas. Or anyone really.

But I did.

Re: Private

[alittlewild.livejournal.com]

Do you just accept the feeling of being vulnerable?