42 Howls: Desperately Seeking Thomas

[coyote_walking]

Has anyone seen or heard from Thomas?

He hasn't answered any of my calls or contacted me and I'm starting to get a little freaked out.




Where are you? What's going on? You've got me all panicked here. I even checked to see if your picture was with those who've gone home.

Come on. I even signed up to do that damned show because you said it would be fun to do together.

Call me, text me, stop by, something!

Comments

[starchilde_lost]

I talked to him yesterday.

[coyote-walking.livejournal.com]

What's going on? Is he okay? I'm losing it here.

[private]

[starchilde_lost]

He's... he's upset. He said the thought he'd been helping someone and it turned out he was making her worse. There are... other things, I think he was dreamwalking with the rest of us and saw some things that freaked him out.

...You're Mercy, aren't you?

Re: [private]

[coyote-walking.livejournal.com]

Yeah. I'm Mercy.

What happened while he was dreamwalking?

Re: [private]

[starchilde_lost]

I don't... I'm not sure I should say. It... actually, it involved a friend of mine and I don't want to say anything without her permission. I really shouldn't tell about Thomas feeling bad about Shalimar, except I see you're talking to her and she'll probably tell you anyway.

He's just... feeling very bad about what he is, and how people see him. I think I made him angry.

Re: [private]

[coyote-walking.livejournal.com]

Great. Just great.

I hate it when he gets like this. Then he starts making decisions that only I get to make.

Re: [private]

[starchilde_lost]

I'm sorry, I wish I could help more.

Re: [private]

[coyote-walking.livejournal.com]

Not your fault. I'm just tired and frustrated and I've been so scared that something happened and instead he's just... avoiding me. Again.

Probably going to decide that the best thing to do is just break up with me. Again.

Re: [private]

[starchilde_lost]

...so this is a thing with him?

Re: [private]

[coyote-walking.livejournal.com]

He hates what he is. And I can't blame him for that.

And then he gets in these dark moods and decides he's taking advantage of me or someday somehow he might hurt me so he should just break up with me and besides he doesn't deserve me caring about him so I should, I don't know, just stop or something.

As if I could.

Probably tries to convince himself it's just because of the demon and that I'm addicted or craving it or something, when the truth is that, I'm not nearly as affected as he thinks I am. And by the time I've spent a day or so away from him, there's no residual effect or craving. Not that he'd believe me.

Re: [private]

[starchilde_lost]

I'm sorry - is there, I dunno any way to prove the, craving you called it? The craving's gone away?

Re: [private]

[coyote-walking.livejournal.com]

I doubt he'd believe it. I'm probably the only one who can shake it off.

I'm partially immune to vampire type magic. I can feel the demon when it rises, know it when it touches me in any way. I know exactly what's Thomas and what's the demon. And sure, when I'm with him, when it's focused on me, it's damn near irresistible and it feels damn good. But when I go home again... all I crave is Thomas without the demon. Because he's the one I love.

If the demon called to me - on the phone or the network? - I wouldn't feel the need to go to it. Not at all. That's not the way it works for normal people. They'd have to go. They'd become addicted to the pleasure. But I don't.

Re: [private]

[starchilde_lost]

I... wow. Okay. And he doesn't believe that?

Re: [private]

[coyote-walking.livejournal.com]

I don't think I've ever said it that clearly to him.

But he'd just think it proved I was addicted and saying anything to keep us together.

He has some serious issues about it - not that I blame him, but I'd thought we'd worked through all of this crap. Multiple times.

Re: [private]

[starchilde_lost]

Well... you don't know until you try, do you? I mean - the powers I have back home translated to here more or less intact, it sounds like your immunity did the same.

Re: [private]

[coyote-walking.livejournal.com]

Yeah, it really did. Not that he believes me.

Re: [private]

[starchilde_lost]

You can't make him be okay with things, he has to figure it out himself.

Re: [private]

[coyote-walking.livejournal.com]

Yeah. I know.

I just don't know if I can keep playing this game with him. It rips me up inside.

Wouldn't that be the biggest irony? If he discovered I was telling the truth because of how easily I dealt with him dumping me?

Re: [private]

[starchilde_lost]

Yeah, it would. I'm sorry - that situation really sucks.

Re: [private]

[coyote-walking.livejournal.com]

It is what it is.

Damn. I really want to be home.

Re: [private]

[starchilde_lost]

I've been here way too long. It's getting close to a year for me.

Re: [private]

[coyote-walking.livejournal.com]

I... I got here in June. Six months. Seems like forever.

Re: [private]

[starchilde_lost]

I keep thinking that if I could go home... just for a little while... just to know that my uncle Alex is okay, that he and the others got away... Maybe even hear something from home.

Re: [private]

[coyote-walking.livejournal.com]

I'm more selfish than that. Nobody really needs me back home.

I just... I just want to be there.

Re: [private]

[starchilde_lost]

I'm sure someone needs you, Mercy. Everyone needs someone some time.

...and I swear that sounded less like a bad song lyric in my head.