28 Howls:

[coyote_walking]

If anyone's looking for me, I'm just going to be going away for a little bit. I'm fine, I just need, I just need to be away.



I'm sorry, but I don't think I'll be able to work for you. Sorry.





He dumped me, Shal. After all this, he dumped me.

Comments

Re: [Private/Unhackable]

[alittlewild.livejournal.com]

Unfortunately I don't have that New Mutant ability. Maybe he'll change his mind...

Re: [Private/Unhackable]

[coyote-walking.livejournal.com]

I don't know, Shal.

I went ten years without dating anyone because I couldn't trust them with my secret, couldn't let anyone know what I really was. I couldn't believe I was letting myself get involved with Thomas, that I could let myself trust anyone that much.

And I was wrong to do it, obviously.

How could I trust him - or anyone - again?

Re: [Private/Unhackable]

[alittlewild.livejournal.com]

I ...don't know. I doubt if someone ended things with me that I'd forgive them or go back. Especially if I thought I could love them.

I'm not sure I'm the best person to give any helpful words here, I trust so few people myself. You enjoyed your time with him though right?

Re: [Private/Unhackable]

[coyote-walking.livejournal.com]

I tried not to care about him that much, but you already know I was losing that battle.

I can't - I can't think about that right now. It's just way too raw. If I try to look at what was good I'll break down and I'm trying so hard not to do that.

Re: [Private/Unhackable]

[alittlewild.livejournal.com]

Can't help who you fall in love with.

I'm sorry. I'm not helping much. I had a boyfriend back home, Zack. He screwed me. He came back years later and I let him into my life to have him screw me again. Then there was Richard...I opened every bit of me up to him and he died. I didn't think I'd ever want to trust or open up again. It just didn't work you know? But then there was Brennan and we got married.

Point is...eventually there will be a good one. I know, I'm probably not helping much. Not much will. But it's not your fault.

Re: [Private/Unhackable]

[coyote-walking.livejournal.com]

I guess.

For me there was Samuel. I fooled around a little in college, but decided quickly that it wasn't worth it when I couldn't ever be me. Then there was Thomas. So, I blew it both times I tried. I think I'm better going back to keeping everyone at arms length.

Re: [Private/Unhackable]

[alittlewild.livejournal.com]

Do you really want to end up like me? Being suspicious of all people until you get close to them and then trying your hardest not to get close? It's a lot of work.

Re: [Private/Unhackable]

[coyote-walking.livejournal.com]

Not suspicious. Just Good Ole Mercy, just one of the guys.

I don't have to avoid everyone, just refuse to look at them as anything beyond a casual friend.

Re: [Private/Unhackable]

[alittlewild.livejournal.com]

I've tried that. You still end up getting attached.

Re: [Private/Unhackable]

[coyote-walking.livejournal.com]

As long as it's just friends, that's okay.

Re: [Private/Unhackable]

[alittlewild.livejournal.com]

I understand. But you do know you can't control that right? Even I can't.

Re: [Private/Unhackable]

[coyote-walking.livejournal.com]

Did it for ten years very successfully.

Re: [Private/Unhackable]

[alittlewild.livejournal.com]

Okay...but I'm here if you need anything. I'm not sure this place would allow people to not get close.

Re: [Private/Unhackable]

[coyote-walking.livejournal.com]

Thanks, Shal. I honestly don't knwo what I'd do without you right now. I owe you.

Damn... I hadn't thought of that. I'm just screwed, aren't I?

Re: [Private/Unhackable]

[alittlewild.livejournal.com]

You don't owe me anything, when I have friends I do anything for them that I can.

Men suck, that's all there is to it. Anytime they're involved they screw everything up.

Re: [Private/Unhackable]

[coyote-walking.livejournal.com]

Well, you know if there's ever anything you need.

Yeah. And still we don't smarten up.

Re: [Private/Unhackable]

[alittlewild.livejournal.com]

I'm good actually...really good. But thanks.

We're just not smart in that department.

Re: [Private/Unhackable]

[coyote-walking.livejournal.com]

Clearly we're not.

Re: [Private/Unhackable]

[alittlewild.livejournal.com]

I like to think it's more that all men are idiots and make our lives more difficult. I feel horrible saying that.

Re: [Private/Unhackable]

[coyote-walking.livejournal.com]

Hey, not like I'll be spreading it around, say what you want here.

Re: [Private/Unhackable]

[alittlewild.livejournal.com]

Oh I just feel bad because I don't mean Brennan. But probably every other guy I know...they have some sort of talent for screwing things up.

Re: [Private/Unhackable]

[coyote-walking.livejournal.com]

This Brennan must be something special.

Re: [Private/Unhackable]

[alittlewild.livejournal.com]

He is. Almost a year with someone is a record for me.

Re: [Private/Unhackable]

[coyote-walking.livejournal.com]

Then I'm glad he's here for you.

Re: [Private/Unhackable]

[alittlewild.livejournal.com]

Thanks. I'm sorry...I shouldn't be talking about the man I'm in love with while you're hurting. I told you I was bad at this. If you want anything to drink or eat please help yourself.