28 Howls:

[coyote_walking]

If anyone's looking for me, I'm just going to be going away for a little bit. I'm fine, I just need, I just need to be away.



I'm sorry, but I don't think I'll be able to work for you. Sorry.





He dumped me, Shal. After all this, he dumped me.

Comments

[Private/Unhackable]

[alittlewild.livejournal.com]

Oh ...I'm so sorry... Why would he do that?

Re: [Private/Unhackable]

[coyote-walking.livejournal.com]

Apparently he's decided he's killing me. And rather than just backing things off the sex, he's done with everything. No more friendship even.

Damn, Shal. I called him a coward. Way to make him want to change his mind, right?

Re: [Private/Unhackable]

[alittlewild.livejournal.com]

So... he thinks he's protecting you? Not even friendship?

People say things when upset and hurt. Which you have a right to be. I'd probably say something similar...

Re: [Private/Unhackable]

[coyote-walking.livejournal.com]

Nothing. He's done with me completely.

I told him he needed to fight for what he wanted, but he said that didn't matter. I know he cares about me, Shal. I couldn't be that wrong, could I?

Damn... I probably am. He wanted someone to feed on and he sucked me in and then the stuff with Kyle was just too much... No. No, I know that's not true. He cared. He had to.

Re: [Private/Unhackable]

[alittlewild.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry...

Maybe that's it...maybe he cared about you too much. Or thinks he's saving you from the crap that goes on with Kyle.

I really don't think it's that...

Re: [Private/Unhackable]

[coyote-walking.livejournal.com]

I don't even know anymore.

I'm just stupid, so damn stupid. I know better than to get involved with anyone. I'm better off alone.

Re: [Private/Unhackable]

[alittlewild.livejournal.com]

Now you sound like me before I found Brennan. I don't know why he'd do this, I know he cared about you a lot and that you made him really happy. The only thing I can think of is he's trying to protect you from something. Maybe him.

Re: [Private/Unhackable]

[coyote-walking.livejournal.com]

Maybe. I don't know anymore. I just know I'm done.

Re: [Private/Unhackable]

[alittlewild.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry...is there anything I can do? At all?

Re: [Private/Unhackable]

[coyote-walking.livejournal.com]

Let me crash on your couch another day or so till I figure out where I'm going to go?

Re: [Private/Unhackable]

[alittlewild.livejournal.com]

As long as you want to you can stay. Is there anything you'd want to eat or anything? Brennan and I spent the day near the mountain, better than him going after Kirk. So I can stop somewhere for something.

Re: [Private/Unhackable]

[coyote-walking.livejournal.com]

I don't think I can eat. But thanks.

Re: [Private/Unhackable]

[alittlewild.livejournal.com]

I really wish there was something I could do for you.

Re: [Private/Unhackable]

[coyote-walking.livejournal.com]

Undo the past few months?

Re: [Private/Unhackable]

[alittlewild.livejournal.com]

Unfortunately I don't have that New Mutant ability. Maybe he'll change his mind...

Re: [Private/Unhackable]

[coyote-walking.livejournal.com]

I don't know, Shal.

I went ten years without dating anyone because I couldn't trust them with my secret, couldn't let anyone know what I really was. I couldn't believe I was letting myself get involved with Thomas, that I could let myself trust anyone that much.

And I was wrong to do it, obviously.

How could I trust him - or anyone - again?

Re: [Private/Unhackable]

[alittlewild.livejournal.com]

I ...don't know. I doubt if someone ended things with me that I'd forgive them or go back. Especially if I thought I could love them.

I'm not sure I'm the best person to give any helpful words here, I trust so few people myself. You enjoyed your time with him though right?

Re: [Private/Unhackable]

[coyote-walking.livejournal.com]

I tried not to care about him that much, but you already know I was losing that battle.

I can't - I can't think about that right now. It's just way too raw. If I try to look at what was good I'll break down and I'm trying so hard not to do that.

Re: [Private/Unhackable]

[alittlewild.livejournal.com]

Can't help who you fall in love with.

I'm sorry. I'm not helping much. I had a boyfriend back home, Zack. He screwed me. He came back years later and I let him into my life to have him screw me again. Then there was Richard...I opened every bit of me up to him and he died. I didn't think I'd ever want to trust or open up again. It just didn't work you know? But then there was Brennan and we got married.

Point is...eventually there will be a good one. I know, I'm probably not helping much. Not much will. But it's not your fault.

Re: [Private/Unhackable]

[coyote-walking.livejournal.com]

I guess.

For me there was Samuel. I fooled around a little in college, but decided quickly that it wasn't worth it when I couldn't ever be me. Then there was Thomas. So, I blew it both times I tried. I think I'm better going back to keeping everyone at arms length.

Re: [Private/Unhackable]

[alittlewild.livejournal.com]

Do you really want to end up like me? Being suspicious of all people until you get close to them and then trying your hardest not to get close? It's a lot of work.

Re: [Private/Unhackable]

[coyote-walking.livejournal.com]

Not suspicious. Just Good Ole Mercy, just one of the guys.

I don't have to avoid everyone, just refuse to look at them as anything beyond a casual friend.

Re: [Private/Unhackable]

[alittlewild.livejournal.com]

I've tried that. You still end up getting attached.

Re: [Private/Unhackable]

[coyote-walking.livejournal.com]

As long as it's just friends, that's okay.

Re: [Private/Unhackable]

[alittlewild.livejournal.com]

I understand. But you do know you can't control that right? Even I can't.