coyote_walking | 42 Howls: Desperately Seeking Thomas

Entry tags:

freaking out,
where

42 Howls: Desperately Seeking Thomas

Has anyone seen or heard from Thomas?

He hasn't answered any of my calls or contacted me and I'm starting to get a little freaked out.

Where are you? What's going on? You've got me all panicked here. I even checked to see if your picture was with those who've gone home.

Come on. I even signed up to do that damned show because you said it would be fun to do together.

Call me, text me, stop by, something!

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

You don't know what to say about what?

I mean, we're talking, 'hey, how are you doing, miss you,' sort of stuff, not give me your solution to world peace in the next three seconds and it better be viable or else.

Sorry. I've been scared half to death for days and now I find you've just been avoiding me for some unknowable Thomas reason and all that fear has turned to being rather pissed off.

Don't be sorry. I deserved that.

What the hell is going on?

My best friend is scared of me.

Anthony has some psychotic fantasy about me and Kara.

I thought I was helping Shal...I wasn't. I was just making it worse.

I don't deserve you, Mercy.

I'm not sure who you consider your best friend then. I thought it was Harry, but I can't imagine he's scared of you.

Anthony... dreams are weird, crazy things happen in them.

Shal... you certainly were trying to help. If you didn't, well... now you know better. And it's hard to know where minefields are with her when she has to keep so much hidden. You certainly didn't intend to hurt her.

And you don't get to decide what I deserve. I do.

Harry's my brother. That's different.

I guess.

No...I wanted to help her come to an agreement with it...

I wasn't. But if you get to chose what you deserve, what gives you the right to decide what I do?

I don't have the right to decide anything you do. You've proved that often enough.

All I'm asking is that if you're dumping me - again - because of whatever you're going through, that you have the courtesy to tell me and not just disappear.

Or just send me a text saying, 'need some space, let you know when I'm back'. Just so I'm not wondering if you're dead or gone or who the hell knows what. It's just common courtesy.

And clearly, I have no control over any of that either as all the ignoring of my calls has proved. You do whatever you choose. If you want to be done with me fine, but don't hide behind 'I don't deserve you' or 'you deserve better'. Dump me for a real reason.

If I'm the self-centered pig you're painting me out to be, why do you put up with me?

Because 99% of the time you're really wonderful.

And I don't mean to be painting you that way. I've just been scared to death. And now I'm fighting with Shal and feeling homesick and just waiting for the other shoe to drop and I just wish you could tell me when you need space so I'm not scaring myself and Harry wondering what terrible things could have happened to you when you just disappear.

I never disappeared, I just didn't answer.

Please don't fight with Shalimar. She doesn't deserve it. She's...broken, Mercy.

I'm...sorry...for causing all this. Heh. Kirk's right. I do make everything about me. And...I am a serial rapist. Not anymore, but just being I don't do that anymore, does it change anything? What I could be? How I could slip at any moment if for one second, I lose control?

And the difference from my end would be...?

I'm trying not to. And I know. You both are.

It does change things. Intent matters, Thomas.

I don't want to be broken....

...I just....yeah, it really does. I intentionally took those women, Mercy. I knew what I was doing. It make the voice quiet. I got peace, I didn't have to hear it telling me how weak I am, and how much it enjoyed the feedings the Skinwalker forces on me. I didn't have to listen to it rambling, craving, because it was sated.

I know you don't, love. And you're trying to heal.

And now you're intentionally choosing to never allow that to happen again. Because you understand now that it didn't bring you peace. Not for long and not for real.

I don't want to hurt you.

I know, Thomas, I know.

Maybe... does it help any to know that I understand what I've gotten myself into? And that if I was at home and involved with one of the werewolves my situation wouldn't be that much different? One second of distraction, an extra pound of pressure in the wrong place at the wrong time and they'd kill me. And more of them consider themselves monsters than you know.

And to my mind, none of you are.

You're what I want. And believe me, my semi-immunity to vampire powers assures that any influence, any addictive qualities It has over me fades fast. And after this much time? It couldn't call me to itself or to you, not unless you were right with me or touching me. That means that it's you I want to be with.

Really?

Really.

Why....why didn't you tell me?

I tried, but I think you just thought it was an excuse or that I was fooling myself.

And you know... you know what I crave most. That time with you before it's there. Would that be the case if I was that addicted?

Mercy........

..........I don't know what to do.

Why don't you let me help?

[BRB crying a lot]

Thomas? Hon? You're not alone.

I'm right here.

[his voice is small and choked with tears.]

Please....come over....[whispered]I don't wanna be alone anymore...

I'll be right there.

Get me out a t-shirt and a pair of your boxers? I'm faster as a coyote.

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