34 Howls: [Accidental video]

[coyote_walking]

Mercy's clearly inanimate body was laid out on Thomas' bed where it had been since he'd brought it there Monday night. He'd cleaned it up and placed it in a place she'd recognize when she woke up.

If she woke up.

The camera was focused on the body for nearly a minute before there was a sudden startling gasp for breath and Mercy sat bolt upright with a cry, scrabbling backwards on the bed and grasping at her chest where she'd been shot.

"THOMAS!"

Comments

Re: Private

[alittlewild.livejournal.com]

It's fine, it was a few years ago. A lot of time to get over it, it's not like he would have lived much longer anyway if he'd stayed a New Mutant.

I hope if you get something like that you can keep it.

Re: Private

[coyote-walking.livejournal.com]

Thanks. Me too.

Not that I don't love Thomas. Just... I'm always aware that if it gets to that all-encompassing really true love part? We'll never be able to touch again.

Re: Private

[alittlewild.livejournal.com]

At least you have love with him, that's happiness there.

Re: Private

[coyote-walking.livejournal.com]

It is. And I am very happy.

Re: Private

[alittlewild.livejournal.com]

That's good. I'm not sure if I ever want happiness like that.

Re: Private

[coyote-walking.livejournal.com]

Well, I hope you find whatever type of happiness you do want.

Re: Private

[alittlewild.livejournal.com]

If I do I'll probably just run from it.

Re: Private

[coyote-walking.livejournal.com]

Yeah, we need to work on that with you.

Re: Private

[alittlewild.livejournal.com]

My desire to not be hurt out weighs my desire to be happy.

Re: Private

[coyote-walking.livejournal.com]

Yeah. I understand that.

Re: Private

[alittlewild.livejournal.com]

I talked with James about how I felt.

Re: Private

[coyote-walking.livejournal.com]

And?

Re: Private

[alittlewild.livejournal.com]

I have learned that I should never speak about my feelings again. It went pretty badly.

Re: Private

[coyote-walking.livejournal.com]

Oh no. I'm sorry.

Re: Private

[alittlewild.livejournal.com]

Not badly in the way you're probably thinking. I just kept messing things up and having to try to explain what I really meant. Then he'd get angry because I kept saying I didn't want to feel this way.

...I think he really cares about me.

Re: Private

[coyote-walking.livejournal.com]

So... you had trouble expressing yourself, but it actually went well?

Re: Private

[alittlewild.livejournal.com]

Yes. We argued a lot but...I guess it went well. He wasn't freaked out...he seemed happy.

Re: Private

[coyote-walking.livejournal.com]

Then I'm really glad for you.

Re: Private

[alittlewild.livejournal.com]

I don't know what I am. At least he's just as freaked out by his own feelings as I am.

Re: Private

[coyote-walking.livejournal.com]

That's something at least.

Re: Private

[alittlewild.livejournal.com]

Who knows maybe one day I'll work up to getting what he actually see's in having a relationship with me.

Re: Private

[coyote-walking.livejournal.com]

Maybe one day you'll be able to see what so many of us see.

Re: Private

[alittlewild.livejournal.com]

I don't think that I'm a bad person to have as a friend. I'm just not meant for relationships with men.

Re: Private

[coyote-walking.livejournal.com]

Just a more intense form of friendship.

Re: Private

[alittlewild.livejournal.com]

That's what I thought, that's what I wanted. But somehow I end up feeling more exposed with him than with other friends. That doesn't even make sense.